What the hell? Just had a nightmare that didn't scare me but pissed me off so bad that it woke me after only about 4 hours of sleep. I had to get up I couldn't stay in bed laying there thinking of her. Made me realize how much the people in my past hurt me and how these wounds never healed the bones never set right. This person projected everything bad about herself on to me and then used that to destroy one of the strongest relationships I have ever had with another person. She was a misandrist who almost convinced me I was the one who had a problem, that I hated women. She was sad and confused and never got to be who she was and had so much jealousy and venom in her heart that she had to attack and I became her victim because I was so weak and unintelligent and she took full advantage of that.
I'll probably spend my whole life thinking about her having more nightmares about her. Even after typing this out I blame myself for not being smart or strong enough to argue more elegantly with her when I had the chance. I was in a losing situation and things would have turned out the same but at least I wouldn't feel like I let her bully me, wouldn't still be angry and scared of her all these years later. I wouldn't have let her chase me off either I would have remained a thorn in her and her families fucking side. Its better as a whole that I just gave up let her have what she wanted but I have so many regrets because in my heart I know she doesn't deserve any of it, at least not the way she got it. Way to early in the AM to be so bitter even for me...should go back to sleep.
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