sorry about that, I guess, no not really...

Self indulgent, gross... im a piece of shit, I dont care anymore. One thing I have learned is that if life is not about indulging yourself as much as you possibly can before you get shit on or die then what the fuck is it about. You might have a few special people in a lifetime that you are actually truthful with. People you are deeply honest with through and through and they return every bit of that truth and thats what makes that relationship so solid. The rest are to be shit on lied to and used up and no matter who you worship, no matter what kind of person you might be it just cant be helped. Yes its a negative, emo, shit way of looking at things but no matter whats wrong with me it doesnt change whats wrong with the world. I know "good" people exist I just dont know very many of them.